I just finished teaching a three week course. The course was awesome. I was full of enthusiasm, highly motivated, and super positive and fun. My Franklin focus words were well represented by myself and the actions of my students. It was easy to find lots of dots for my page. While being in the city, there are so many more people to observe.
I am however amazed that while fully engaged on certain levels, when I am away from my normal home and work routines, my daily MKE maintenance chores suffer. I know there are no good excuses so I won’t give any…..my work did suffer, my commitment hasn’t. The city definitely stimulates some self indulgent aspects of my old blueprint, and my ego tries hard to convince me that I’m just having fun, no one is getting hurt. I was actually being engaged and animated on a human interaction level, I wrote a song for my class, I got a couple of students to play with me at an open jam night, and it was great…….but…..I was also being very unconscious as well.,,,I returned to some of my harder edged humour, showed less restraint with my inebriates and their amounts, and perhaps most insidiously, I was pretending that I wasn’t doing these things, when talking to family, friends, or people I had told of my new health efforts.
Feeling like you are slipping on some aspects of my DMP causes Fear, Guilt and Unworthiness…..after the lecture about our atomic reality, it was easy for me to see these are just part of the miraculous, harmonious whole. Not too worry, they are just calling cards to remind me of my desire to grow, to be uncomfortable, to engage in self discipline. They are now tools. This last lecture really helped to visualize them as such….. As always, …every week is quite the trip!