Blog 22- Johnny

I am master of my emotions…well, mostly….I am continually amazed at how each scroll captures the behaviour and actions I am battling with during the month it is being read. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy, so motivated one moment and so dejected the next…Apparently I am in tune with the moods of nature….lol….I do believe I am suffering from a bit of not wanting the course to be over, to have a bit more time to nail down all of my new good habits. Again, I remind myself, I am changing behavioural patterns that have been in place for 45 years, and must appreciate the fact that they are hard to completely change in just a few months. I accept that this is a life long journey, and my commencement is just the beginning. I have the confidence to go forth knowing the person I am becoming, visualizing with more and more clarity, acting instead of just thinking, doing it NOW! I have a deep tool box of  tricks, and tips to keep me on the path. I have Og, and Haanel to reference for inspiration and reminders of how the mind and universe works, simple analogies to remind me how to recognize my deviation from the true reality. I have my amazing index cards to remind me of all the wonderful things I have done, and all the amazing things I am grateful for. I am surrounded by love and support, from my partner, family, tribe, and all of my fellow members of this MKE journey. My first stage DMP is coming into reality, but now, its time to step  up, and put my gifts into real world changing service, its time to abandon thoughts of limitations, restrictions, lack, worry, fear, and frustration which still find ways to creep into my mind. I am so grateful for this opportunity to really look at myself. See how I have been, understand who I actually am, and become all that I am meant to be. I persist, and I succeed….Thank you to everyone who has commented and encouraged me, and shared this crazy trip with me…..I love you all….Cheers.

 

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My 21st Blog…. by Johnny

Well time has been quite a blur lately. Its been hard to keep track of what events are happening at  home, work and MKE. I think this blog comes in at the end of the week intended?….doesn’t really matter, it’s hard to write on demand, creating or using a small window of time to get the blog done seems forced. There have been some blogs that weren’t necessarily long winded  but took me three hours to write, I love it when I am inspired and have the time to say all that I am feeling, refine it and by the end  process a lot of the feelings and emotions as I write it.

Its late, my kid is in bed, my partner is away at  work for a week, and I have a moment in time. The big question….what do I write? I have spent lots of time writing about my struggles during certain weeks, and even more time praising myself for my accomplishments that are in sync with my DMP and my future self.

I chuckle when I realize,  I am a classic first timer at this program. So much enthusiasm, so much confidence, so much passion….yet so easily derailed from the program. It is truly amazing to me how drastically my behaviour shifts from week to week, day to day even. I would love to tout about how I’ve been on an amazing run….but in truth I haven’t…..what HAS changed is that I’m finally not being hard on myself.

Even at my worst with not reading scrolls , flipping cards, and reading the lessons…. in public life I am kind, considerate and am still observing all the love and kindness that is alive and well in the world. I am still inspired and I still believe that I have a purpose, and can realize true happiness and bliss. I am sooooooo  grateful for all I have. I can easily recognize how  fortunate I am in my situation, good health , a great job, a loving partner, an amazing kid and the list goes on. I am much more aware than I used to be.

I am on a proper mission to peel back my layers of brainwashing, and identify those beliefs that are stopping me from fully answering the call….this final stretch is the time when you say I’ve got this, or say fuck it, I’m not ready, or some other excuse why I can’t finish, The old blueprint is on its last legs and it is digging in. I really recognized this as I punched in my payment for this last pif, sending the money was a moment of commitment, I am going to push through to the end…no matter what, I am way better off than when I started,,,,,My self doubt manifests itself by focusing on the fact that there are certain MKE tasks I never fully embraced or never formed good solid habits of completing…the sit is one of them…. my brain is loud when I stop and pay attention….many of my sits are whirlwind adventures, with no real reprieve, I almost feel exhausted after….I avoid doing them, because of my utter failure to find calm and quiet…this can no longer be the case… whether I wrote out enough cards or shapes and changed and moved them seems less important, than giving the brain some space to rest and repose.  So many of the Haanel lessons speak of the necessity of the repose, the quiet, to organize your thoughts, set goals, and move forward with confidence and purpose…..

In the spirit of speaking in the future tense….

I am a master of my mind. I sit daily , and and I access that space, the gap between all things, that is all things, I quiet my mind, and reconnect with my source, and I accept and celebrate my magnificence.

Ha…..so now that that’s out of the way…..next..

Although I’m getting long winded, it’s time to mention an amazing experience I had yesterday.

A little context…a few blogs past I spoke of a lady I assisted at work with a badly broken wrist, a friend and neighbor in Bamfield, she had surgery and pins put in, but has been on the mend so far… Her husband was a very close mate  before he collapsed and died of a ruptured brain aneurysm about three years ago, it devastated  our entire community and most of all Lorry, she lost her true love………some how as fate would have it she fell to the same situation a few weeks ago…..she however survived…..As of Thursday she was moved from Vancouver to Port Alberni on Vancouver island. After finding this out and getting a brief synopsis of her condition ( very bad, no speech, complete right side paralysis, feeding tube, likely fully cognizant.) I decided I must go see her. I was amazed at my initial hesitation, the thought of seeing my friend completely debilitated, frustrated, scared, altered, was awful….if she was more of just an acquaintance, I may not have went, but I love her and want to bring her some happiness. So off I go with my guitar in hand.

When I entered the room, it was worse than I expected. She was so thin an frail, immobile, and unable to communicate, obviously at least….. This was a vibrant humorous, intelligent woman, now trapped in a broken shell with no way to express herself….I got down to basics right away….there is a song I play that she loves….Its a parody of the John Denver song “Country Road”….. to get to Bamfield ( on Vancouver island B.C.) you must travel down 90 km of industrial logging road, which seasonally has its challenges….so naturally the song became “Logging Road”….. there is also a boat/ ferry that comes to town 5 days a week called the “Lady Rose” which clearly works for the song as well, being a longer but much smoother ride…anyway…no matter when or where I see her, if I have a guitar or one is nearby, she wants to hear this song…….

OK, so what happened John?

I looked her in the eye and I saw her….she was there….I said Lorry, you must visualize yourself back in Bamfield,  in your beautiful home, cooking, drinking wine, visiting with friends, enjoying the life you created for yourself…the logging road is the way to get there. It will be rough in spots, in others it will be smooth, there are lots of hills to climb, but you coast down the backside, you can make it home, keep the vision firm in your mind, see yourself there, hear yourself talking, watch yourself take steps and walk again.

I must believe that her brain can find a way to make new pathways and connections to regain her abilities… I made a deal with her that we would use this song to help her, to think of it constantly, to take the difficult logging road back to her home in Bamfield, I will come and play it for her everyday I am around.

I had overwhelming feelings of empathy, I felt the anxiety and fear she must be going through, all of my problems shrank down to nothing, my gratitude soared for all the wonderful things in my life, things as simple as my ability to walk and talk. As I played, I could barely get the words out, tears were streaming down my face. She was engaged, she was tapping her foot, and chuckled softly at a few of the humorous lyrics, I could see her waves of recognition and happiness, and also her devastation, fear and hopelessness. I was able to establish a basic communication system with her, using hand squeezes, 1 for yes 2 for no. She was able to answer simple questions but it was obvious her brain was struggling to process information. I continued to play more music for her, for the next hour, and put her to sleep with a gentle instrumental piece. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, told her I loved her and I would be back soon.

This experience was highly emotional for me. The staff and other patients also enjoyed the music and thanked me for coming and sharing. I felt like it may have actually helped, created a small reprieve from the gravity of the long battle she has ahead of her. I am energized and plan to visit other rooms randomly, and play music for anyone who wants to hear some. I am finally engaging in some real service using my greatest gift. I will put my problems and stresses aside, face the awkwardness of being around vulnerable people, and share my gifts with the goal of spreading joy and happiness. I will make this my greatest habit.

Please send healing vibes for Lorry Larson, she can really use them. Thank you everyone.

 

 

 

 

Johnny Blog 20

I just finished teaching a three week course. The course was awesome. I was full of enthusiasm, highly motivated, and super positive and fun. My Franklin focus words were well represented by myself and the actions of my students. It was easy to find lots of dots for my page. While being in the city, there are so many more people to observe.

I am however amazed that while fully engaged on certain levels, when I am away from my normal home and work routines, my daily MKE maintenance chores suffer. I know there are no good excuses so I won’t give any…..my work did suffer, my commitment hasn’t. The city definitely stimulates some self indulgent aspects of my old blueprint, and my ego tries hard to convince me that I’m just having fun, no one is getting hurt. I was actually being engaged and animated on a human interaction level, I wrote a song for my class, I got a couple of students to play with me at an open jam night, and it was great…….but…..I was  also being very unconscious as well.,,,I returned to some of my harder edged humour, showed less restraint with my inebriates and their amounts, and perhaps most insidiously, I was pretending that I wasn’t doing these things, when talking to family, friends, or people I had told of my new health efforts.

Feeling like you are slipping on some aspects of my DMP causes Fear, Guilt and Unworthiness…..after the lecture about our atomic reality, it was easy for me to see these are just part of the miraculous, harmonious whole. Not too worry, they are just calling cards to remind me of my desire to grow, to be uncomfortable, to engage in self discipline. They are now tools. This last lecture really helped to visualize them as such….. As always, …every week is quite the trip!

Johnny week 19

What great week…. my Franklin focus was the virtue enthusiasm…. What a good time for this to be my focus….Last Monday I began teaching a new intake course ( first timers) for the Canadian Coast Guard Rescue Specialist training…a customized first aid training course that prepares for the inevitable variables that doing first aid treatments on the water will bring. We focus on strong first aid skills, adaptability, ingenuity, and staying focused on the overall objective, get people to where they need to go, regardless of the obstacles….I must say, my passion and enthusiasm were on display this week. I love my job, and have gained much experience in real world situations that seemingly throw the book out the window… Being forced to stay focused, adjust on the fly and meet the objective, is something I can honestly say I am very good at….I have a genuine excitement about the times I was challenged to my limits and succeeded. I know from actual comments that my students are comforted and inspired by my crazy stories. I explained where I screwed up, and how those lessons stuck with me forever…. I explained when and why I broke certain rules, in order to best achieve the overall objective. I explained how the basic approach, of the primary survey, memorized and applied every single time, in the same order, will always keep you from making mistakes ( major ones) … Serious first aid scenarios are very stressful and nerve racking…I know it takes many years before you can roll up on any situation, and feel confident you know what to do… my students are gaining confidence, and enthusiasm as every day goes by. We drill and re drill the basics, I add new elements and complications that force them to think, and adapt, and overcome, force them to keep moving forward keeping the universal objectives in mind…. throughout this course (MKE), I realize how much my job exercises many of the principles of the course…. when in the field, my job is literally to help people… to go when no one else will, to be their hero… now I am training future hero’s, giving them the positive, confident mental attitude they need, so that they can tackle any adverse situation, using their knowledge skills, and resources to do their absolute best with what they are handed…. To never give up or get stuck, but rather to regroup, reset, and persist….I am honored to be in this position, and take my role very seriously, but I love making the course fun, and empowering, with this approach people learn so much more effectively in my observations… rather than a high pressure military approach…I am always amazed at how much I learn about myself daily , and I have really been enjoying observing myself be inspired, and be inspiring…. No I have not been prefect on all my MKE chores every week, but once again I am inspired… like my students, I need to get out of my comfort zone, and embrace my challenges, they always lead to the most profound lessons that become engrained in you… it was a great week, our class is working as a team, we all have strong PMA ‘s, 2 more weeks to go, these kids are going to be first aid rock stars…. and I will have helped them get there….Cool!

Once again….HAPPY!

Johnny Week 18

Hello blogledites, out of our caves we come for another blog post….what is it this week…am i on step, doing all I can, staying positive? Am I following the chores. (haven’t gone too far on the shapes, but I will make more). Overall a good week.

What IS awesome is that I have been getting my 12 year old boy to write his gratitudes to himself, nice things he has done. ( I’m glad there are some..lol) three things he is grateful for, and a positive experience in the last 24hrs…I also bought him the book, ” Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I loved this book. I have been getting him to update me on the progress of the story each day. With some warning I finally told my son no more after school media , books and music only…. Overall he was very hesitant at first, going on about how it interferes with his play time,( mostly shite video games},,,, but over the course of the week he has had a shift…..he definitely gave minimal effort at first…BUT… yesterday after school he was waiting for me when I got home a bit late., he was excited to read his gratitudes…he was finally giving more than one word answers..like what are you grateful for…food….geesh,… amazingly enough he started tapping into realizing how pampered and easy life is for him , and feeling grateful for all he has, the million good things compared to the handful of bad things

On top of that, the best thing ever happened.

I PLAY MUSIC, and I have lots of amazing gear, many different instruments….The boy is finally learning some good music theory at school, and out of nowhere he comes home and says ” I want to play guitar” This was music to MY ears.

First of all… I am a guitar player, and I have been for over 30 yrs ( yikes)…as I said, I also own many different instruments ( sax, clarinet, banjo, trombone, mandolin, fiddle, drums, and a pile of percussion stuff. I struggled hard with waiting for the time he wanted to play, I encouraged him to try any one regularly…I had suggested we practice guitar lots, but he has small hands, and didn’t get instant results, so he never pursued it….he did however latch onto the drums and has become quite proficient. He has always been and remains a fearless singer with great pitch and charisma as well…. both of us were pleased that I was about to show him some stuff without either of us getting frustrated…haha…. he quickly learned a few chords and bass lines, and has since getting getting up early before school at like 6:15 to play for and hour and a half before school….whaaaat?….I was amazed… and very excited for him, and for our future father son show, which I have been slowly manifesting for years… and thinking about that a lot lately…I believe doing his writing of gratitudes and positive experiences, looking for acts of kindness, and feeling good about himself, the tools for staying in a positive mindset, have pushed him over the threshold, where he is willing to work towards getting good at something….he sees me succeeding with some of my disciplines, and he has engaged…I couldn’t be more excited, it’s inspiring me too. IAm going to support and nurture this new challenge in his life and pass on a much knowledge as I can.

HAPPY!

Week 17HJ Johnny

Hello again everyone in the blogosphere…..As always, another amazing week of incredible insights, humbling reminders, and continued focus, and concentration.

Ill always be amazed at the speed of certain shifts….. In the middle of my best week yet, staying really positive, it happens, it seems all your hard work goes for a shit in one moment…..I can’t help but laugh…. I was so focused… feeling like I am love, I am the light, nothing could interrupt this high…. being as kind and generous as i can imagine…..sadly i did not realize how much more i could do…..a moment comes where something i didn’t do well comes to light, and into discussion….. at that very moment I was picked up and stuffed in a sound proof plexi glass box…. i watched in horror as my old blueprint, fueled by my demanding, defensive, insecure ego, behaves in ways I was sure we’re gone, couldn’t be conjured, do not work….. you watch yourself saying and doing the exact opposite of what you want to be saying and doing…lol…. the moments pass, and calmer heads prevail….i eventually can see what had just happened….. it is a very quickly delivered, harshly accepted reminder, that one never really has it all figured out, and should refrain from pontificating, regardless of the purity, passion, and motivation of your intentions…. it’s just the ego trying to prove how smart it is, which somewhat poetically proves just the opposite…….so……back on the bike, get centered…. read affirmations on who you actually are, who you intend to become…. have a sit, play some music, go for a walk, read the scroll…. find some bliss…. peacefulness returns, confidence that I got this returns…. every obstacle is an opportunity, to bring me closer to greatness…. do not fray from the exercises, your promises, your services, even for a day…. or it all falls apart in your hands…. immediately….. stay in the flow, focus on the desired out comes, not on how to get there….. this hero is answering the call, …setbacks, plot twists, flesh wounds, will only fuel my resolve….I will succeed…. what a great week…. looking forward to Sunday.

Johnny Week 17: Embrace the Suck!

This week (like all others it seems) has been amazing. I am enjoying the Franklin makeover and I’m focusing on the virtue of self-control. I am still experiencing some what of a high from kindness week and am still consciously performing as many kindnesses and observing as many kindnesses as I can.

Lots of things have been coming to me at the right time this week ,videos coming across my social feed, memes with inspirational quotes relating exactly to what have been meditating on ( grappling with…lol), certain conversations with an unexpected person, situations that continue to allow me to see the kindness and beauty in people and things that I never noticed before, including myself.

One was a video of a man enthusiastically, and colorfully at times telling his story of a rough childhood, adolescent depression, difficult, puposeless early adulthood followed by his massive shift, which started his journey towards becoming a navy seal. He succeeded, but not until his third attempt…..3 hell weeks in one year. Injury physically stopped him from being able to complete the first two attempts, the third, still injured, he completed anyway. He forced himself to embrace the Suck, now he had some real suck to deal with compared to most of us, but his advice was to do something that sucks every day… If you don’t want to clean out the car, do it any way, if you don’t want to do the dishes, do them, do laundry, walk the dog, clean the gutters, rake leaves, chop firewood…. Anything….Do them anyway…embrace them, that is when we grow…. It’s like og says, I can increase my accomplishments of yesterday, a hundred fold or more….no longer will I indulge in praise for self deeds which are too small to acknowledge. I can accomplish more, and I will.

So, since these well timed powerful reminders, I am doing just that…. Doing things I know are good for me, but require dedication and discipline. Small things in the big picture, but a physical expression of my desire and commitment to grow, and be better….I could tell you exactly all the things I’m doing, the details don’t matter. What does matter is that I am feeling successful…….I am being positive, kind, encouraging, and disciplined, with self control… My first three virtues in the makeover…. As a result of the last 16 weeks, I am now looking forward to doing most of my sucky activities and embrace the challenge, feel the friction, embrace the Suck. I feel really good after doing them…. It’s awesome…. They will soon be habits that I enjoy, and do without thought.

I am focusing on the thoughts I want, the outcomes I want, not the ones I don’t want…. I’m ready to give myself permission to use my power, to create the exact reality I want, I give myself permission to be happy!

Can I have an AMEN!

I never give up, I persist, and I succeed!